I Don't Want To Be Me
by Emilemur
Summary: Harry doesn't want to be Harry. Harry/Hermione slight Harry/Ginny Draco/Ginny


"Why is it me? Why do I have to be the Boy Who fucking Lived?! Why can't I be the Boy Who Scored? Or the Boy Who Won the Wizard's Cup? Hell, I'd rather be the Boy Who Got Expelled, but I do not want to be the Boy Who Lived!" I'd switch places with Neville or even Malfoy or that weird Hufflepuff Zack! I'd be anything else! Why me? Why not Malfoy or Marcus Flint? Or Crabbe? Goyle? " Harry screamed, his eyes bulging and his mouth formed into a scowl.

"Look, Harry, why don't you pull yourself together and shut up! You're driving me crazy. You're such a selfish twit. I mean seriously, you're all 'I'm Harry Potter the greatest person ever' then you're 'I wish I was never Harry Potter, but Malfoy'," Hermione said in a mocking voice, nudging him with the tips of her fingers, "God, Malfoy? He's a whiny little annoyance, and I thought you were better than that! Make up you're mind, Harry, either be positive that you can defeat You-Know-Who or not. By that I mean you're Harry Potter, you can do ANYTHING. And if you don't believe you're Harry Potter, than you aren't worth what everyone says The Boy Who Lived should be!" Hermione yelled, irritated, tears almost in her eyes. Harry swallowed hard and looked into Hermione's reddened eyes, seeing for the first time a pure hatred towards him. He glanced down and then back at her, wondering if the move he was about to make was the right one. He had to have power, and she had just taken it away from him. She had to go. He had to disconnect her. He needed power and controll over her. He looked at her with evil in his eyes, slowly turning a stormy grey, and was about to begin another tantrum when Hermione did what he last expected.

Harry's whole plan collapsed when Hermione's lips crashed into his. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and he could feel the blood rush to his face. He began to push her away, then on impulse he let her linger for one more moment. His eyes closed lightly as he rested one hand on her shoulder, the other awkwardly bent at his side. Once he got ahold of his sense he pushed her away before the kiss deepened. Hermione bit her lip and they stood in silence, both beginning sentences and letting them die off.

"Listen, Harry..."

"Hermione, I..."

Hermione sighed and nodded. "I get it. I know you don't like me like that... I should have known, by the way you look at Cho. She's much prettier than me, and nicer too, I don't know what I was-" She found her lips pressed against Harry's once more, except this time Harry was the one doing this kissing. His hands were now in the more intimate position of her waist and her upper back, pulling her body against his. Their lips were intertwined, kissing passionately for several seconds until they heard someone trying to open the locked door to the commons room. There was a muffled 'damn it all... where's my wand?' coming from the other side of the door. The voice belonged to Ron.

Harry looked around anxiously, "Listen, Hermione, I really do like you, and I just needed a moment to comprehend all this... but I just don't think that Ron needs to find out about all of this by walking in on us. I'll talk to him, okay?" Hermione nodded fiercely, a movement usually reserved for class. "Hold on a minute, Ron!" Harry yelled, then unlocked the door as Hermione left the room. She concealed herself quickly, listening to every word said.

"Hey, Ron."

"Harry. Up for a game of wizard's chess?"

"Not quite... Ron, I need to tell you something. You know how I've been spending a lot of extra time with-"

"Cho? Yeah, I know. So..." Ron lowered his voice, "what's up with you two?"

"Nothing! No, Ron you've got it wrong."

"What, you still think that 'no one could ever love The Boy Who Lived'" Ron laughed and Harry managed a smile.

"No... someone might love me, but not Cho." Hermione bit her lip. "Love?" she whispered to herself, "I don't _love _Harry! I don't think so, anyways... I just kissed him...and he's talking about love? Oh well, it's his way of breaking it to Ron."

"Who then? Tell me already!" Ron playfully punched Harry on the shoulder. Harry cringed.

"Hermione." The smile on Ron's face faded.

"What?"

"It's Hermione... Ron, I thought you didn't have a thing for her anymore. So, it's cool, right?" Harry gave a less than convincing smile. Ron scrunched up his face in anger.

"Here's what I think!" Ron threw his right fist at Harry's face, knocking Harry down and out. Hermione let out a cry and ran to Harry, revealing her hiding spot.

"Now look what you've done! Ron!" she stood up and began yelling in Ron's face, "How could you?"

Ron's regretful face seemed frightened, then determined. He grabbed Hermione's face and forced his lips upon hers. She didn't pull away. The least she could do was try not to enjoy it. He let go and she had no choice but to pull back again.

"Well? Harry over me? Who is it then?" Ron looked angrier than before.

"Ronald," Hermione looked into his eyes, "you're really sweet. But Harry needs this. And I'm sorry." She let her lips brush his cheek before she asked his help to carry Harry down to the infirmary.

Ron avoided Hermione's eyes for at least a week afterwards, but quickly got Harry's forgiveness. By the time everything was healed up, the news of Harry and Hermione had spread and they no longer feel into awkward situations around Ron, although whenever Ginny reassured Hermione that she didn't care for Harry anymore, there was a deep tension. They enjoyed a few months together before anything damaging happened, but when it did... neither of them were the same.


End file.
